Partners in Danger

I hope you are in the lucky situation of not having to go through Depression all on your own.
And I hope your partner is as strong as mine, because this can become THE test for your relationship.

If your partner hasn’t previously had their own serve of Depression – not just being very sad – they will not be able to comprehend what we are going through.
As much as they may love us and this is pretty much what we need, they can’t look inside and we can’t put it out on the table or describe how it feels.

The tricky part in this is that the partner may experience strong distancing and difficulties in communication from us. This can lead to a rampage of blaming and counter blaming.
I did not enter that blaming game, yet it created the want of running away as it all fed the feeling useless. Plus that my family and I may be better off with a temporary separation.
After a few days of ‘attacks’ by my wife I luckily was able to formulate how this sits with me.
I told her, that my guts wanted to, but my experience stopped me from going into a ‘I blame you for blaming me’ cycle. Every time she talked to me I felt attacked, like being kicked while already on the ground. [Usually I would process this as not taking it personally (as in ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz). These days I simply sit there and listen to the bombardment without much comment or response, which in return revs up my wife even more.]
I told her that my defenses are down and I see everything as an attack and don’t have the clarity of mind to process and discuss it in a clean way, which leaves me only with shutting down and disconnecting.
I further invited her to seek professional help as well, as I can see how it wears her out.
Try  www.partnersindepression.com.au  if you don’t have counseling or therapy contacts already.

It is also very important for me to have the support of my children, who are both in primary school age.
I told them in the most simple way that I am very easily grumpy and often sad. They didn’t ask for a big explanation I just make sure I let them know when I am on the edge.
As a payback I get the spontaneous “I love you Daddy” and hugs out of the blue.