Professional Help

I am in the fifth year now of a life with Depression and it has been OK for a good while. Seeing a counsellor to maintain my life and grow from the discoveries my mental condition offers.
Yet lately my battery ran dry and I just couldn’t get off the ground. For a period of about half a year I had suicidal thoughts. It was not that I felt the need to get a gun or establish a date to end my life, it was simply that constant thought that kept popping into my head when things got difficult, didn’t work out the way I had planned; everything was just too hard – “It would be so much easier to just finish it all, once and for all”.
So I made the decision to go on medication. It was not alight or easy call to make for me, yet I just needed a breather and I was ready to do whatever it takes. And to get most information on my options I lined up an appointment with a Naturopath, my Counsellor and the GP (General Practitioner aka Physician). I was lucky to see the three people within two successive days.

Naturopath was the first on the list and we spent more than an hour talking about possibilities of how to tackle what was going on in me. I told him about my plan of using psychopharmacology products and that my preference would be a natural method, yet it has to be swift in its effect.
He acknowledged my decision, recommended to keep seeing my counsellor and pointed out that even if I go ahead with the chemical option I can use some of the natural remedies to support my body. The most effective remedy which outruns any natural, chemical or spiritual method he added is Exercise though.
And the most interesting thing was actually his diagnosis of ‘Burn Out with Depression as symptom’, which rang true to me.

Counsellor, or sometimes I call him my Shrink, came next and the scenario was a bit similar. He acknowledged the desperation I am in and supported my in either way. My shrink couldn’t really tell my much about products that are out there, as he doesn’t have much knowledge on them. What he did say was that using two components can potentialise the effect and may assist even better. In the hour with him we looked at the journey for me to get to this point as he knows how reluctant I am towards psychopharmica and at the same time agreeing that they have their place.
The session ended in a very powerful way of honouring the step I was about to take.

GP came next and it was not my usual doctor, but I have seen him before.
It took him 10 minutes (this is the allocated time at that medical centre per client) to destroy a great piece of my trust into Modern Medicine. And you could also say he assisted me in liberating myself from a system that is obviously not working for me.
In the short time given he had a brief glimpse at my history and I felt that he dissed my years of effort of getting my life back into functional mode through counselling. It seemed like that I should have been on medication a long time ago. Asking about contraindication with herbal medicine was answered that there is no information in their database, therefore he can’t tell me anything. But his attitude was anyway that “it’s either This or That”, including medication vs counselling.
Picking the right medication was a matter of seconds – there was a choice of only four anyway – which included ignoring the other practitioner’s diagnosis of Burn-Out. Very swift introduction to side effects (they are very similar to what I am suffering in the first place or may cause new ones though), no mention of how long it is advised to take them, yet I was told to come back soon so we can up the dosage.
And maybe I was expecting too much, like a blood test beforehand to be able to monitor any unwanted effects or a lengthy conversation to ensure it is the right substance for my condition (or to determine my condition in the first place) and maybe I put too much importance into a medication that will alter my whole system, mood and perception. It only cost the same as a standard painkiller, so why should I worry …

At the bottom line what I experienced was a huge judgement on my ability to choose what I believe is the best for me and the choices I make and a great power differential. This was nicely symbolised through the short time I was given for my audience and that the doctor uses a standing work station while I was sitting down.
On the way out he through in an extra with refusing to have future visits bulk-billed (a loss of $10 for him and a gain for me of $40), as I can afford seeing a Naturopath. Not knowing that the visit was gifted to me.
Don’t worry I will not bother you again with my measly presence.

I do not advocate against psychopharmica. It is very helpful and sometimes needed medication that can safe lives.
What I am criticising is how easily it is handed out and the lack of holistic approach from General Practitioners paired with the unconsciousness of the power they hold. And this is based on that one experience, not to condemn all the GPs, as I know there are great ones out there.

PS.: I do have the anti-depressant with its 5-page consumer information sitting at my desk untouched and have a course of herbal remedies going, combined with a diet and exercise plan. Financially painful, but this is where I placed my trust.