How to Support

How to support someone in Depression

A tricky facet of Depression is that we can be quite irritable and don’t want to hear what you have to say. I am really not interested that you “feel sometimes sad too”. “It’ll be OK” doesn’t cut it either. What we need is compassion and empathy, not being felt sorry for – we do that ourselves.
I may identify with what is a big part of my life and will defend it, as it has become the construct I am living with.

Know the right time when to give the person advice to seek professional help. Depending on how close you feel you can even be pushy and the first step is only to see the GP/Physician anyway. Helping with how to word it can be good, as the shame factor with Depression and especially with men, can be quite an obstacle.
“There are patches that feel like Depression”
“My partner/friend suggested to have me checked for Depression”
In some way this is a little cheat, as it doesn’t apply that I have Depression. And I believe this is the important part for the person going through this phase in their life, as I/we don’t accept the dis-ease* yet.
Pointing out ‘accept’ ! I am not Depression ! I accept, that I am going through a part on my journey where Depression is my companion. Later I learnt, that it also is my teacher – a very good one, if I welcome it on my life.

* dis-ease : I am not at ease. A condition prevents me from feeling free & easy.

TIPS :

Hide your black, grey and other dull cloths. Maybe even give them away.
The sloppy jumper that’s to large – get rid of it, even if it is red.
Shave, brush your teeth, shower, dress up … basically look after yourself, in order to feel worthy.
When you have a partner, spooning is an awesome remedy that should not be underestimated. Probably the best medicine of them all. And it’s for free, just ask.
Play !  Let yourself be invited into tumbling with the kids, have a laugh with your dog, sing aloud when you feel like it … Whatever you do to lift your mood will contribute to a bettering of your overall mood. As the body shut down the system because I/we are not using the available energy in a good way, for the support of our body.
Once the existing energy is diverted to self-nurturing activities the valve will start to open up again and more energy will be made available.

There is a story told and retold in the Middle East about

How to help someone who’s drowning.

The story goes that a man had fallen into a river. He was not much of a swimmer and was in real danger of drowning. A crowd of concerned people wanted to rescue him. They were standing at the edge of the water, each of them urgently shouting out to him:

“Give me your hand, give me your hand!”

The man was battling the waves and ignored their urgent plea. He kept going under and was clearly struggling to take another breath.

A saintly man walked up to the scene. He too cared about the drowning man. But his approach was different. Calmly he walked up to the water, waded in up to his knees, glanced lovingly at the drowning man, and said:

“Take my hand.”

Much to everyone’s surprise, the drowning man reached out and grabbed the saint’s hand. The two came out of the dangerous water. The drowning man sat up at the edge of the water, breathing heavily, looking relieved, exhausted, and grateful.

The crowd turned towards the saint and asked in complete puzzlement: “How were you able to reach him when he didn’t heed our plea?” The saint calmly said:

“You all asked him for something, his hand.
I offered him something, my hand.
A drowning man is in no position to give you anything.”

—

Let us remember not to ask anything of someone who is drowning.